My Fairy Godmother

So, it's after midnight and I'm still up.  I really should be in bed.  But today is a shot day.  And I am scared, terrified, anxious...to get one.

Monday night was HORRIBLE.

 I had been off my shots for about two weeks so I could recover from my wicked sinus infection I got the week of Christmas.  I did take my Tylenol two hours before the shot and then my husband set his alarm to go off two hours later (12:00 a.m.) so I could take another dose of Tylenol.

Those were the best two hours of sleep I've had in forever.  And the last of the night.

Fever, muscle spasms, chills, cramps, migraine, sensitive skin from the fever, too hot, too cold, so very sore...

Sounds fun, right?  Five hours of fun...

Five hours of wondering if these cancer treatments were worth it.  Five hours of wondering why I was lucky enough to get two different and totally unrelated cancers in my short 37 years of life.  Five hours of wondering why the damn Tylenol wasn't working.  Five hours of wondering why they haven't come up with a better treatment for cancer patients that wouldn't involve all of these difficult symptoms.  Five hours of hoping that all my kids would sleep, not wake up from a bad dream or because they needed a snuggle so they didn't have to see me like this.  Five hours of fluctuating between anger, tears and sadness.  Five hours of feeling guilty as my husband stayed up with me to help me get through it even though he had to be at work early in the morning.

Then, five hours later, 5:00 a.m. on a Tuesday morning...RELIEF.

It was as if Cinderella's fairy godmother came over, sang bippity boppity boo and waved her magical wand over me and magically my fever broke, my muscles relaxed, and sleep finally claimed me.

Personally, I would rather have the flexible glass slippers w/o the cancer please.

Oh - and the dress.

But here's the thing my fairy godmother did give me that I wanted...all four of my children were as quiet as mice as they all slept through the night.  Miracle.  Seriously.  The Tylenol finally shared the burden of my symptoms and alleviated enough of them so I could sleep.  A sense of peace and accomplishment accompanied by a smile with the thought, "I did it.  I CAN DO THIS."  And my favorite that she has given me, of course...my prince.  For two hours he massaged my back, my bum and my legs to relieve the pain.  He curled up beside me when I got cold and then took the blankets off of me and gave me space when I got too hot.  He prayed for me.  He cried with me.  He held me.  He then held my hand as I finally fell asleep.

I totally love him.

Yes, I am still scared, terrified and anxious to get my shot tonight.  But that prince of mine is waiting and ready to help me again.  With him I can do this.

So yes, this is worth it.  Our relationship is stronger because of the physical trials I have gone through and will go through and I am okay with that.  The Tylenol will work better tonight because his buddy Ibuprofen is helping him out tonight.  As for easier cancer treatments - I don't have the answer for that.  I'm just grateful they have treatments.  I hope my kids will continue to sleep peacefully and in their own beds tonight.  And my husband has work off tomorrow so hopefully he can get some much needed rest.

I guess I really don't need a fairy godmother after all.  I have everything that I need and care about and love.

I still want the shoes though.  And the dress.