April 2002
My mother and I were the voice of reason for my dad in a border town of Texas while he received alternative treatment for his cancer that could not be given to him in the United States. I left in the middle of my semester at the University of Minnesota to be there for my mom and my dad. Plus, I was fluent in Spanish so I could talk to the doctors in Mexico.
I. Was. A. Mess.
The treatment didn't work and my dad's health took a turn for the worse. We were 1700 miles away from home, not knowing anyone, with my dad in a hospital in Texas, not knowing how we were going to get him home. The doctors didn't want him to be moved. The three of us knew there was no turning back and we had to get him home so he could die at peace there.
Again... I. Was. A. Mess.
Jeremy and I were dating pretty seriously at that time. We talked everyday while I was in Texas. When my dad was admitted into the hospital, Jeremy and I talked that night and I gave him an out. An easy out. I told him there would be no hard feelings on my end if he decided to walk away and not look back. He let me argue my side until I was done and then he simply stated, "I'm in this for the long run."
Little did he or I know just how long that run was going to be.
March 2006
I was sitting on our bed and Jeremy was sitting on the floor with his back against the bed as we both listened to the results of my biopsy on the tumor on my neck. Cancer. Papillary Thyroid Cancer. I remember going numb hearing that news. My oldest, T, was two years old at the time and my second oldest, E, was only seven months old. Jeremy and I had been married for three and a half years. That's it.
I had surgery a week later where they removed my big, sticky tumor and my entire thyroid. It took a good two weeks for me to physically recover from that surgery. During that time, I was forced to stop breastfeeding E and he did not agree. He refused to eat or drink anything else and lived in a state of hunger for about four months. While Jeremy and I were trying to figure out a cancer-ful life at that time, we too had to figure out how to get E to eat and not scream at us all day. We still don't like talking about those months. It was hard.
Not having a thyroid was not fun either. I gained weight, my skin became so thick I couldn't even wear normal, everyday shoes because my feet would not fit into them, I was severely constipated, and holy depression. Needless to say...
I. Was. A. Mess.
Then, miraculously, the doctors figured out the right amount of medicine to give me to replace that very important hormone that was currently missing from my body and I felt GREAT. E finally agreed with us that whole milk was pretty darn good and decided to eat whatever we put in front of him as well. I remember Jeremy coming home from work to a clean house and I was playing with the kids and he sat beside me on the couch, gave me a hug and whispered, "I'm so glad my wife is back."
April 2013
It was a Wednesday. Jeremy was at work. I was getting ready to go to my chemistry class at school. The minivan was running to get warm and my phone rang. I picked it up and it was my doctor, Annie, calling me to tell me the news of my biopsy from my mole. She said that word...Melanoma. I had her repeat it again. I didn't believe her. Come on! I already had cancer once! I've played that card already! I was in a state of shock. I called Jeremy at work and told him the news. Then, I mechanically got ready the rest of the way, got my kids in the minivan, dropped them off at my sister-in-law's home, went to class and sat there for 50 minutes repeating over and over in my head, "Oh my gosh. I have cancer. I have a very scary cancer. Oh my gosh. I have cancer. I have a very scary cancer."
I. Was. A. Mess.
Surgery. Lots of pain. Sleepless nights. All day scans. Surgery again. Recover and try to keep it together. What? What was that? I have to go to the hospital again and have another surgery before my infection from my last surgery goes septic? Oh sure, why not? I didn't really want to go to Mt. Rushmore with my family for our summer vacation anyway. Oh sarcasm...
Treatment Monday-Friday for four weeks in August. Gah. Enough said.
Treatment by injection Monday, Wednesday and Friday until July. Hey! I'm halfway there!
I. Am. A. Mess.
A happy mess. But a mess nonetheless.
I can pretty much tell you that Jeremy and I will probably never run a marathon. Like ever. At least not the running kind. Instead, we've gotten pretty good at running a different kind of marathon.
Marriage.
Jeremy did say he was in this for the "long run." Me too Jeremy. Me too.
