I Am Alive. You Are Alive. Nothing Bad News.

How have I fared the first week of treatment?  As the title of the post mentions - I am ALIVE.  That is good news.  And just for fun, say the title of the post in a Russian accent - especially since it is a direct quote from a sweet Russian man after receiving some bad news.  The bearer of the bad news apologized to him and immediately he responded in the positive, "I am alive.  You are alive.  Nothing bad news."  

Those 3 short sentences became my mantra for the week.  Literally.

I have been trying to write this post for the past 3 days.  I still don't know what to write.  Do I write the specifics of what I go through each day?  Do I write about my feelings?  Do I tell other stuff?  I don't know (imagine me shrugging my shoulders).  I am tired.  Waaaaaay tired.  The tiredness didn't hit until the 4th day - Thursday of last week.  I also have insomnia.  So because I am tired and then can't sleep even though I am really tired, it makes for one crabby ME.  As for feeling sick, the first couple of days were terrible.  I had the chills, the aches and fevers.  But, thank goodness for miracle workers (aka my nurse and doctor) they have me taking tylenol and ibuprofen every two hours and that keeps all the symptoms at bay.  So, that is very good news.  

The hardest part of the week for me would be my people watching skills.  When I get to the cancer care center, sometimes I'm in a private room and other times I am in a big room with other people getting cancer treatment.  I realized, the first time I was with a bunch of other people, I was the youngest person there by at least 20 years.  And that made me sad.  Here, these people have lived their whole lives with no major health issues only to be smacked with cancer at the end.  And then all of that reminds me of my dad.  He retired and then a year later, he was diagnosed with colon cancer and then 11 months later, he died.  I couldn't help but feel the injustice of it all.  

But one thing that got me through those dark thoughts are the cancer patients themselves.  Most of them would have family members or friends with them while they sat and got the treatment.  They would all talk and even laugh.  When we would converse, we never complained about having cancer.  We would ask each other how the treatment was treating us and then give each other encouragement to kick its butt.  The atmosphere at the cancer care center may seem somber but there is a sense of hope in the air as well.  More hope than somberness and that is what I look forward to each day.  I am not alone in this.  I may be young but I am fighting the same fight they are and we are all in this together.

Me in one of the private rooms.