A Hospital Adventure

I'm still here.  I will be here until they tell me that I can go home.  Huh.  That kind of stinks.  But, thank goodness for the "adventures" I have been having since being here.  I refuse to be bored while being stuck in a hospital.  I like having fun.  So, I'll share one of the funs I've had since being here on Tuesday.  And I'm going to go ahead and dedicate this post and any post that's hospital adventure related to my friend Al who has a hospitalization fantasy.  I hope these adventures live up to your expectations!

First off - to understand my adventures of mine, I want you all to understand where my infection is on my body.  It's on/in my inner top left thigh.  Right up by my groin.  The infection/redness goes right up to the 8 inch incision they made to scoop out my lymph nodes.  It's big and red and you know, nasty.  And, I have people checking me there all the time - doctors and nurses.  I have pretty much thrown my dignity out the window.  There is really no way to be modest about any of this so whatever.  And they are all nonchalant about it anyway so who cares, right?  Weeeeellll...

Adventure #1
Last night I was not feeling well.  One minute I was feeling great, laughing and having a good 'ol time w/ the husband and my awesome nurse Nikky, next I'm achy and tired and loopy and stuff that was not normal.  Told Nikky about it.  We looked at my infection and dangnabbit - it was spreading again.  Pooooooooopy!  Anyway, she went to page my doctor to find out what we should do and I decided to go to the bathroom.

Now, I can go to the bathroom by myself (thank goodness) but sitting on the toilet seat is something else.  It HURTS on the left side.  So, I have to lean to the right and then somehow figure out how to aim my pee into the "hat" they need me to pee in (they need to make sure I'm getting enough fluids and what not).  I pretty much laugh every time I go to the bathroom.  I'm sure I look ridiculous.  If someone were to walk in on me I'd either be really embarrassed or laugh right along with them.

Now, getting cleaned up afterwards is quite the adventure as well.  I have this really oversized hospital gown on (I totally rock it) and I'm connected to an IV.  The nurse anesthetist inserted the 4th IV (yes, I said 4th - please no more!) into a vein on top of my right hand.  It's not a big deal unless your a righty and you have to figure out how to clean yourself up after going to the bathroom.

Without too much details (I know, I'm too late on that), I pretty much throw an immense amount of fabric from my gown over my shoulder and then proceed to clean myself w/ my right hand (I tried with my left - it was impossible and quite funny too) without getting it dirty (because of the IV).  I'm not quite sure how it looks but I think it probably looks like some one trying to learn how to be a contortionist who's not one.  I really don't know how else to explain it.  Somehow, I was skipping around and accidentally pulled the red cord that says, "Pull for Help."  You know, the devil side of me has always wanted to pull that cord just to see what would happen.  Then the angel side of me beats the devil side of me over the head and tells him to shut up.

Tangent.

Let me tell you what happens when that cord gets pulled.  Remember, I'm cleaning myself up, looking like a contortionist who's not one, trying to work around all the tubes that are stuck all around me.  I was also leaning and balancing for some reason on my good leg.  Suddenly, there's a knock on the closed bathroom door mid clean and Nikky comes bursting in.  I scream AHHHHH! then fall but catch myself on the many bars they have on the walls for support and almost trip over the toilet.  I would totally watch that scene in my life over and over and over again. Can you just picture it????  I'm still laughing!  Nikky, fortunately, saves me from falling and life goes on.  I'm still laughing.  Yay for bathroom adventures!

Look, cancer sucks.  Getting a staph infection from something that is helping me get rid of cancer sucks too.  I was not happy about the infection spreading.  I'm not really happy about being in the hospital since Tuesday and then not really knowing when I can leave either.  I miss my kids.  I miss my husband.  Heck, I miss going to the bathroom the normal way.  But, it would suck more if I let it suck all the crazy and happy out of me.  Finding humor in crappy situations makes life more fun and I'm beginning to think cancer's scared of humor.  It shrinks it and makes it disappear forever.  Huh.  Wouldn't that be nice????

Me and Nikky

On a side note, Nikky was really scared when she saw the alarm go off from my bathroom.  I had just told her that I was feeling awful and woozy and we both agreed that my infection was spreading again.  Hence why she came bursting in like that.  I know I make light of some situations but I also recognize the gravity of them as well.  I'm just grateful for a nurse who responded by running into my room and into the bathroom like the superwoman she really is.  I'm surrounded by a lot of good nurses and doctors and PCAs who sincerely care for my well-being.  They are like my personal cancer cootie fighting army.  Yes cancer sucks but it's hard to feel down about it when I have an army like them fighting alongside with me!

Plus, who else would celebrate my going a #2 FINALLY by dancing?  I can honestly say I love you Nikky!